As we begin the end of the Mayan calendar, I just have to say - I have WAY too much to accomplish for the world to end just yet. And I'm having way too much fun!
A look back: 2011 was a great horse year for me. I struggled through some very difficult situations including Beauty's snake bite and Jeffrey's hoof defect. I learned to rely more on friends to help me through when I wasn't feeling mentally up to the challenge. Kimberly and I settled into a nice routine of taking turns on Beauty, which allowed my confidence to grow slowly and steadily. Beauty also benefitted from Kimberly's firm, but fair leadership.
As I look forward to this new year, I'm wondering what should I declare as my goal, my plan, what dreams do I have? Not being big on resolutions, I still want to make a declaration, if only for myself, as a way to keep these dreams alive and moving along.
Regarding Jeffrey, I will ride more and focus on being particular about what I'm asking. Not only being particular, but following through until I win the game. He is my 'big easy' and I tend to let him slide and get away with so many little subtle things. What I wasn't understanding (and found out on the trail New Years Eve) is that the less particular I was about winning the 7 games, rather than just playing them, the more I allowed Jeffrey to assume the leadership role. I was passive which allowed him to become passively aggressive. I'm talking very small, subtle things. For instance, riding along the rail in the arena, if I ask for a shoulders in he would immediately start to grind his teeth, twisting his head sideways, telling me he didn't want to do that. More times than not, I'd feel bad for him for causing him anxiety, and would let go. In essence, reward him for his behavior. Duh! Anyway - without too many boring examples, suffice it to say, I plan on resuming my leadership role between Jeff and I.
Regarding Beauty, my goal is to step up to the plate more with her. She is very left-brained, which means that she is a strong dominant mare. However, she has a very sweet, friendly nature and quickly allows me (or Kimberly) to take over leadership and follows along sweetly and calmly. However, she tests me constantly - almost with every step that she takes, always waiting for me to lose focus so she can resume leadership. She is saucy (sometimes naughty) and so easily pushes my buttons. Contrary to popular belief, Arabs are GREAT buckers! Beauty enjoys kicking up her heals in protest on the trail when I ask for change of direction from trot to canter. Like I said, she tests me constantly. My dream for 2012 with Beauty is to have smooth, flawless transitions and changes of gait - even changes of speed within gait. I will focus more on being particular in what I ask. And I will continue to go outside of my comfort zone with her in an effort to be the strong leader that she requires.
Regarding my own plans, goals, and dreams as they relate to me, I will strive to move outside of my comfort zone more often, stay outside for longer stretches - allowing the learning that is gained there, and continue to develop my natural partnership with my 2 beautiful equine partners.
Happy, Healthy 2012!
Monday, January 2, 2012
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Back in the Saddle Again
I was pulling my usual bull____ about needing to go slow and build up to it when Kimberly took things into her own hands and hopped on for a trek across the street last Friday. Earlier that evening when playing with the circling game w/her saddle on, there was quite a few bucking sprees. It was hard to judge if Beauty was saying "get that stupid saddle off me!" or, "Wahoo - I have my saddle on again!" (Which do you think it was??) Anyway, we played on-line for a half hour or so, then I turned her out with Jeffrey. Shortly later, Kimberly drove up and off we went.
On the trail, Beauty stood to be mounted, and walked off like no time had elapsed since her last ride. Such a good girl. I probably said it 85 times that night, "Such a good girl." So, with Kimberly breaking my ice bubble, Saturday, off we went to Contra Loma with Beauty, Rosie & Casi. After entering the park and climbing the fence to mount Beauty (my first time since March), I was shaking like a leaf, heart pounding. Not sure why. Beauty was super calm, standing like a good girl (there I go with the good girl again). I mounted and off we went at a nice walk. I played with a few steps of trot at the beginning and felt that she was probably going to buck a little. That was all it took to scare me off the trotting. We walked out about 1/3 of the trail, it was pitifully hot, no water or shade in sight, and I was ready to throw in the towel. As usual, when something bothers me, I begin to find things wrong that I can focus on and worry about. This time it became my knee. By the time we stopped, I was done, and hopping off, announced that I was done. Needless to say, we continued on, but with Kimberly on Beauty and I walking beside Rosie looking for a place to mount bareback. Found one shortly and we continued on with the ride. Rosie was such a pleasure to ride. Her energy level is CRAZY - but it's a safe feeling crazy to me. Even bareback, gaiting or loping, it's a pleasure. We spent quite a bit of time on the leg home from Contra Loma that day with all of us either gaiting or trotting alongside of each other, our hair and manes blowing in the wind - and the horses all being just lovely. It was a great first day back for Beauty.
The next day, Sunday, we again headed out - this time to Round Valley. I rode Beauty the first 1/2 of the trip (about an hour), and asked Kimberly if she would ride her back. Kimberly is so good at picking up on Beauty's sauciness and dealing with it immediately; whereas, I might just slow down and not really correct the problem at the time. It's so good for Beauty and me that she is willing to ride for me now and then. Really helps with Beauty's coming along, as she is still a fairly green trail horse.
And that's my story - at least for now. I'm looking forward to the weekend (and it's only Tuesday) so we can get her back out on the trail. Beauty loves her job - she is at her element when you take her off course and go jeeping up a hill, or down into a ditch or ravine. She is all focus and concentration - watching where she puts her feet, watching her surroundings. "Such a good girl!" :)
I was worried that the snake bite might make her leery out on the trail, but she is confident and curious and does not seem to have suffered any mental damage at all. (Kimberly would shake her head and laugh at me for that last comment!).
Happy trails!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Rattlesnake
So, I got a call on Sunday, May 1st about Beauty - a frantic call from her trainer. I didn't get the call. Unfortunately, my phone's battery had died. I knew it had died - realized it Sunday morning when we were all setting off on our trail ride. Oh well, I thought to myself, no one ever calls me. My phone charger is at work - I would be w/out phone until Monday. No big deal...
Monday morning at 6:00 a.m., I log on to check my e-mail before starting a pot of coffee and jumping in the shower. First thing I see is a frantic e-mail marked URGENT from Beauty's trainer. Oh Crap! It was short and sweet - Beauty had been bitten by a rattlesnake while coming in from pasture Sunday morning. They had been trying to reach me - to no avail - please call ASAP. The vet was waiting to hear from me regarding emergency treatment authorization. Several phone calls later - I was informed that treatment had been administered, Beauty was recovering from a very nasty snake bite - and she was to be released to me that afternoon! Thank God she was fine, and the veterinary team had made a great decision to spare no efforts to save her.
I found out later that the interns at the ranch noticed within minutes of the bite that she had been bitten. They quickly threw her in the trailer and raced her to the nearest emergency equine vet - about 18 miles away. The vet's staff got tubes up her nose before the swelling sealed her nostrils shut and she suffocated. So lucky.
By 8:00 a.m., I had made it to work, printed MapQuest directions, and was on my way out to pick up the trailer to begin the trek to get Beauty - a four and a half hour drive from Brentwood to Porterville. It was a long drive - I spent most of it crying. Upon arrival, I was led to see Beauty. What a shock. Her face was HUGE - about the same thickness from her eye/jaw area down to her muzzle. I'd never seen swelling like that in a living creature. She looked miserable! Beauty gave a soft nicker of recognition and buried her painfully swollen face into my belly, releasing a huge sigh. "Oh," the vet commented - "she really loves you!" Feeling was mutual! She continued on by saying, "She was such a good girl, very sweet. She was a pleasure to have here. She was so calm - what type of training do you do with her?" I answered, somewhat distractedly that I study natural horsemanship and that has been her foundation training.
I was then updated on all the heroics that had led to saving Beauty's life, given a very brief lesson about follow up care, including penicillin injections and banamine for the next 5 days, and outside we went, me leading Beauty, to load up and head home. Of note here, I might add was the fact that the vet asked if I'd need assistance loading her. I said no, she loads fine. She followed along with me anyway, and stood by while I opened the trailer door, led Beauty into the first stall, loosely tied her to her blocker-tie, asked her to move her rump over a bit so I shut the partition, and stepped back out. The vet said with a smile, "Oh, wow! She is a very good girl."
The ride home was uneventful other than the fact that I had to look in the mirror about once every 30 seconds to make sure I could see her little bits of mane flowing out (indicating she was still standing!) Four hours later, we arrived safely back at Kutchera Ranch in Brentwood where I board my horses. Beauty called out in recognition and got several answering calls from Jeffrey and her other pasture mates. It had been 1.5 months since she left for training, and it appears her horsey buddies (and big brother Jeff) were all happy to see her. Another interesting and touching note here was the fact that when Beauty continued to give out a few whinnying calls upon arrival, Jeffrey started trumpeting from his pasture in response. He got quite frantic, racing up and down the pasture fence close to the gate, tail raised to the sky! What a sight. He was carrying on so much that I had to leave Beauty, go out to pasture to get him, and bring him back in to Beauty to say hi. Beauty gave him a deep "mommy nicker", they exchanged nose breaths, and that was it - back to normal. So sweet, it made me cry. It's the first time that Beauty has shown affection for him (he loves her - always has). And Jeff recognized her whinny from the trailer - that was so amazing to me. He couldn't see her from his spot in the pasture - it was all whinny recognition that set him off. So amazing. I love my horses!!
Anyway, my first priority upon getting Beauty settled in was to see to her penicillin injection. I was fairly confident that I could do this as I had just had to give my son a new protocol drug treatment regarding his health condition that required injections 3 times daily. My son handled this very well - said I was gentle and kind, and would kiss me on my forehead afterward, knowing it probably hurt me more than it hurt him. I had that positive experience in my mind when I pulled out the huge 18 gage needle and syringe and filled it with penicillin, heading to Beauty's stall. Friends were on standby, holding her halter and lead rope, and in I plunged the needle. Beauty reared, striking out, barely missing all of us. I made 2 more attempts before throwing in the towel and calling our local vet. Luckily, she advised me to put her back in the trailer and deliver her to their clinic where they would take over the very difficult and painful penicillin injections and other care while she was recovering. Whew!
We arrived at the clinic 20 minutes later, with some blood and trauma evident where I had tortured her with the needle. Beauty's neck was tended to, she was neatly & professionally injected by the vet and her assistant, and settled in for a 5 day stay while the medications and care were administered.
I picked her back up Friday evening after her last shot and we returned to Kutchera Ranch. Beauty is now on stall rest for a month. Her blood work showed very high muscle enzymes from the venom of the rattlesnake. She was very depressed, eating poorly, and dull eyed over the weekend, but by now (Wednesday, May 11th) has perked up somewhat. It's going to be a long haul - getting her through this month. She is not a happy stall horse, and the better she feels, the harder it will be for her to remain stalled. However, due to the venom, she is in danger of tying up or of cardiac arrest for the next 3-4 weeks, so must stay calm.
That's my story! It's the second time that I've brought her home from training and have not been able to ride her to continue her progress that she received while at training. (Last year, she kicked me about 3 days after returning and I was out of commission for 2 months.) Oh well, at least with the Parelli system in place, I know that I have the knowledge to get her going again. Before you know it, we'll be loping down a country road this summer, wind flying in both of our manes - smiles big on our faces. I am so lucky to still be able to have that dream. Beauty is so lucky - it could have gone the other way.
An aside note - yesterday's news cast mentioned that California is experiencing a huge surge in rattlesnake population due to the heavy rain and proliferation of rodent wildlife!
Monday morning at 6:00 a.m., I log on to check my e-mail before starting a pot of coffee and jumping in the shower. First thing I see is a frantic e-mail marked URGENT from Beauty's trainer. Oh Crap! It was short and sweet - Beauty had been bitten by a rattlesnake while coming in from pasture Sunday morning. They had been trying to reach me - to no avail - please call ASAP. The vet was waiting to hear from me regarding emergency treatment authorization. Several phone calls later - I was informed that treatment had been administered, Beauty was recovering from a very nasty snake bite - and she was to be released to me that afternoon! Thank God she was fine, and the veterinary team had made a great decision to spare no efforts to save her.
I found out later that the interns at the ranch noticed within minutes of the bite that she had been bitten. They quickly threw her in the trailer and raced her to the nearest emergency equine vet - about 18 miles away. The vet's staff got tubes up her nose before the swelling sealed her nostrils shut and she suffocated. So lucky.
By 8:00 a.m., I had made it to work, printed MapQuest directions, and was on my way out to pick up the trailer to begin the trek to get Beauty - a four and a half hour drive from Brentwood to Porterville. It was a long drive - I spent most of it crying. Upon arrival, I was led to see Beauty. What a shock. Her face was HUGE - about the same thickness from her eye/jaw area down to her muzzle. I'd never seen swelling like that in a living creature. She looked miserable! Beauty gave a soft nicker of recognition and buried her painfully swollen face into my belly, releasing a huge sigh. "Oh," the vet commented - "she really loves you!" Feeling was mutual! She continued on by saying, "She was such a good girl, very sweet. She was a pleasure to have here. She was so calm - what type of training do you do with her?" I answered, somewhat distractedly that I study natural horsemanship and that has been her foundation training.
I was then updated on all the heroics that had led to saving Beauty's life, given a very brief lesson about follow up care, including penicillin injections and banamine for the next 5 days, and outside we went, me leading Beauty, to load up and head home. Of note here, I might add was the fact that the vet asked if I'd need assistance loading her. I said no, she loads fine. She followed along with me anyway, and stood by while I opened the trailer door, led Beauty into the first stall, loosely tied her to her blocker-tie, asked her to move her rump over a bit so I shut the partition, and stepped back out. The vet said with a smile, "Oh, wow! She is a very good girl."
The ride home was uneventful other than the fact that I had to look in the mirror about once every 30 seconds to make sure I could see her little bits of mane flowing out (indicating she was still standing!) Four hours later, we arrived safely back at Kutchera Ranch in Brentwood where I board my horses. Beauty called out in recognition and got several answering calls from Jeffrey and her other pasture mates. It had been 1.5 months since she left for training, and it appears her horsey buddies (and big brother Jeff) were all happy to see her. Another interesting and touching note here was the fact that when Beauty continued to give out a few whinnying calls upon arrival, Jeffrey started trumpeting from his pasture in response. He got quite frantic, racing up and down the pasture fence close to the gate, tail raised to the sky! What a sight. He was carrying on so much that I had to leave Beauty, go out to pasture to get him, and bring him back in to Beauty to say hi. Beauty gave him a deep "mommy nicker", they exchanged nose breaths, and that was it - back to normal. So sweet, it made me cry. It's the first time that Beauty has shown affection for him (he loves her - always has). And Jeff recognized her whinny from the trailer - that was so amazing to me. He couldn't see her from his spot in the pasture - it was all whinny recognition that set him off. So amazing. I love my horses!!
Anyway, my first priority upon getting Beauty settled in was to see to her penicillin injection. I was fairly confident that I could do this as I had just had to give my son a new protocol drug treatment regarding his health condition that required injections 3 times daily. My son handled this very well - said I was gentle and kind, and would kiss me on my forehead afterward, knowing it probably hurt me more than it hurt him. I had that positive experience in my mind when I pulled out the huge 18 gage needle and syringe and filled it with penicillin, heading to Beauty's stall. Friends were on standby, holding her halter and lead rope, and in I plunged the needle. Beauty reared, striking out, barely missing all of us. I made 2 more attempts before throwing in the towel and calling our local vet. Luckily, she advised me to put her back in the trailer and deliver her to their clinic where they would take over the very difficult and painful penicillin injections and other care while she was recovering. Whew!
We arrived at the clinic 20 minutes later, with some blood and trauma evident where I had tortured her with the needle. Beauty's neck was tended to, she was neatly & professionally injected by the vet and her assistant, and settled in for a 5 day stay while the medications and care were administered.
I picked her back up Friday evening after her last shot and we returned to Kutchera Ranch. Beauty is now on stall rest for a month. Her blood work showed very high muscle enzymes from the venom of the rattlesnake. She was very depressed, eating poorly, and dull eyed over the weekend, but by now (Wednesday, May 11th) has perked up somewhat. It's going to be a long haul - getting her through this month. She is not a happy stall horse, and the better she feels, the harder it will be for her to remain stalled. However, due to the venom, she is in danger of tying up or of cardiac arrest for the next 3-4 weeks, so must stay calm.
That's my story! It's the second time that I've brought her home from training and have not been able to ride her to continue her progress that she received while at training. (Last year, she kicked me about 3 days after returning and I was out of commission for 2 months.) Oh well, at least with the Parelli system in place, I know that I have the knowledge to get her going again. Before you know it, we'll be loping down a country road this summer, wind flying in both of our manes - smiles big on our faces. I am so lucky to still be able to have that dream. Beauty is so lucky - it could have gone the other way.
An aside note - yesterday's news cast mentioned that California is experiencing a huge surge in rattlesnake population due to the heavy rain and proliferation of rodent wildlife!
Friday, April 1, 2011
Fell of my horse... :(
Yup, I did. Jeffrey. Bless his heart. I love him. He's a fun horse. He tries so hard. I have to step up my game to ride him.
We were riding in the outdoor arena - huge arena - working on ride the rail, when the cowboys showed up and asked if they could bring in the mechanical cow. "Of Course!" Sounded like fun. And it was fun!
Jeff was his typical RB self, but more extrovert than introvert this time. Head high, neck arched (like his arabian sister), and very, very in tune with the cow. I'm sure he felt he had to take things into his own hooves if we were to survive this.
The cowboys made their laps, roping the cow, letting it loose, and Jeff, Kimberly, Rosie and I would all trail slightly behind, playing like we were roping too. Jeff and Rosie were great, it was good stuff. Then, on our last lap around, at mid trot (yes, I'm trotting while chasing the cows - keeping up with the other horses lopes - jeff is a speed trotter!), I went one direction and Jeff went another - and off I went. Down onto my big soft padded fanny. A collected gasp from the audience - then laughs when I popped up, unharmed. whew! Lucky! And worth noting. It's my official 3rd fall from the big guy while he was in motion. (Yes, i've fallen off when he's standing still - not proud of that.)
Jeff, got to love him. I do.
We were riding in the outdoor arena - huge arena - working on ride the rail, when the cowboys showed up and asked if they could bring in the mechanical cow. "Of Course!" Sounded like fun. And it was fun!
Jeff was his typical RB self, but more extrovert than introvert this time. Head high, neck arched (like his arabian sister), and very, very in tune with the cow. I'm sure he felt he had to take things into his own hooves if we were to survive this.
The cowboys made their laps, roping the cow, letting it loose, and Jeff, Kimberly, Rosie and I would all trail slightly behind, playing like we were roping too. Jeff and Rosie were great, it was good stuff. Then, on our last lap around, at mid trot (yes, I'm trotting while chasing the cows - keeping up with the other horses lopes - jeff is a speed trotter!), I went one direction and Jeff went another - and off I went. Down onto my big soft padded fanny. A collected gasp from the audience - then laughs when I popped up, unharmed. whew! Lucky! And worth noting. It's my official 3rd fall from the big guy while he was in motion. (Yes, i've fallen off when he's standing still - not proud of that.)
Jeff, got to love him. I do.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Delivered to Training - or "Just Rip Out My Heart"
So, yes, again, I've delivered her into the hands of those that are more capable. Matt, Beauty's handsome cowboy, is unfortunately leaving in a week. I'm sad to see him go but happy for his new life. He will always hold a very special place in my heart as one who loved my 'sweet little Beauty' as I do. Beauty is by now out to pasture with the herd, learning her place again. Last year, Dave said, "She's just above the mules" which meant about #26 in a herd of 28 or so.
This is a good thing, yet, I feel so empty without her! I know she is going to come home in 2 months being a much better mount for me than she was when I delivered her. I know she will have her manners back in place, and will have learned how to take off at a canter and not get so upset by it that she wants to remove her rider. All good things, but I miss her. I'm sure this will mellow a bit once a week or so has gone by. Then I'll start looking at my phone and checking e-mail waiting for the update call or message. Is she safe? Has she gotten hurt? Is she having a good time or is she miserable? (Does she miss me?)
In the meantime, I now have more time to focus on Jeffrey (probably much to his chagrin!). I've let him get away with murder lately in my distraction with getting Beauty ready to send off. He has reverted back to his old spooky ways - snorting at leaves blowing on trees, or a errant plastic bag or piece of paper on the ground. We have much to work on. My short term goal over the next two months is to practice my canter with Jeffrey. He is more forgiving of my mistakes. Plus, I figure if I can get the canter nice and smooth on this big gangly guy, with Beauty, it will be easy!
So, here we go! Two months without my Beauty. It will fly by I know. I will reawaken my cherished relationship with Jeffrey as I anxiously await her return.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Fear: Rational vs. irrational
Fear. This is a subject that I have been up close and personal with in my life. I thought it might be interesting (therapeutic!) for me to write down where I am now and how I've been able to overcome some of my issues, as well as where I hope to be someday. My issues deal with my personal life - personal experiences - horse wise and otherwise. I won't talk about all of them, but will share some of the more recent events.
Fear. For me, it's the factor that keeps me from doing or being what I may see myself doing or being. I'd love to be able to whitewater rafting. When a friend asked me last week via e-mail if I'd like to join her on a trip this summer - a level 4 whitewater rafting trip - I didn't even respond. It's not even in my imagination to consider. Today, my co-worker told me how her and her husband are going to paintball parks and having a ball. "I just want to explore fun things, like parachute from an airplane!" Again, nothing I'd ever consider in a million years of options (the parachuting - I love paintballing!).
Fear cripples you on a more personal level too. My son was diagnosed with hydrocephalus due to a very large brain cyst 3 years ago and has undergone 8 brain surgeries - 5 of which were emergency, to save his life. The fear that my family has survived in helping him through this over the last 3 years has been incomprehensible. Even now, when I think back to that first night in the emergency room when he came out from under the CT scan, while waiting for the ambulance to take him to Redwood City for neurosurgery, my mind gets two or three thoughts in and then the door slams shut and I stop remembering. It's a delayed reaction to the fear. It's crippling. I see this as a rational fear. It has substance and a basis for being there. I can work on diminishing it, but I haven't figured out how to get rid of it - it's always there.
When I first bought Jeffrey 6 years ago, I was so green that I didn't even think of horses being a danger; anything to fear. All I remembered was my carefree childhood where we would hop on bareback and gallop off into the sunset - yes, we really did that! Jeffrey had obviously been abused (now I see that, didn't then), and when he would pick up his back leg and aim it at me in a mock-kick, I thought he was just picky and didn't want me to touch him there. I didn't realize what he could do to me with that strong leg. Beauty showed me last year! Gradually, after one near catastrophe after another, I understood that being around horses was going to involve some level of fear. I also see these fears as rational fears. I have had enough minor horse accidents to maintain a sane level of concern (fear) about the horse activities I partake in. But, it's a level of concern I'm willing to handle. I'm not willing to let fear make me give up my passion. This level of rational fear has led me to pursue my natural horsemanship training. I love learning everything possible about horses, horse behavior, proper tack, proper seat, on and on. The fear has created a drive in me that has resulted in my becoming a fairly confident and competent horsewoman (looooong way to go though!), thanks to the program designed by Pat and Linda Parelli!!! Savvy has overcome rational fear and has turned it into knowledge and strength.
And it's a good thing! I'm one of those people who doesn't need much assistance in creating a fearful situation in my imagination. Over the years, I've allowed myself to be fed others fears by hanging around the wrong types of horsey people. Maybe good horse people, just not a good match for me. I have enough fear on my own behalf without exposing myself to their fears on a daily basis! I'm one of those people who can see 10 catastrophes in any given situation. Say I'm trotting up a lovely trail on a sunny afternoon. Beauty (or Jeffrey) is in a great mood, no spooking, just enjoying our time on the trail. But, inside, my mind is working overtime creating things to be afraid of. Will she slip and fall down the hill (even though we're easily 5 feet from the edge of the trail, and the hill isn't that steep anyway)? If she does, will she squish me like a bug as my foot gets stuck in the stirrup? Oh, foot stuck in the stirrup - what if I just fall off and get drug for hundreds of miles (even though I'm riding in a saddle w/breakaway stirrups and I'm only across the street from my barn)? Will an inconsiderate bicyclist come charging up behind us and spook her into leaping for safety over the edge of the trail? Will a squirrel run out in front of us and spook her (even though this has happened and she DID NOT spook), causing her to careen off the trail and fling herself and me down the hill. Will she step in a hole that she doesn't see and break her leg? I make myself sick....the list just goes on and on. When riding anywhere near barbed wire, the imagination goes wild. When riding on steep single track trails - OMG I could write a book about the scary thoughts running rampant in my mind. I see these fears as irrational fears. Being able to tell the difference points you in the direction of being able to do something about them. I'm working on slowing the non-stop dialogue in my head that keeps fear alive for me. Here also is where the Parelli program of natural horsemanship has put me leaps and bounds ahead of where I otherwise would have been on my own. What are we afraid of - usually something that we don't understand. How do you increase understanding? By breaking it down and studying the parts. That is what Parelli has helped me to do. Do you have a hot, snorty horse that pushes into your space and causes you fear (and possibly bodily injury!)? The Parelli program teaches you how to break this situation down and learn to manage it properly. What to do, when to do it and why to do it, and how firmly or softly. Just amazing.
For now, fear is still something I live with on a daily basis. But, I'm working on it. The rational fears are there, kept at bay by my faith, and the irrational fears are slowly disappearing. Whew!!!
Fear. For me, it's the factor that keeps me from doing or being what I may see myself doing or being. I'd love to be able to whitewater rafting. When a friend asked me last week via e-mail if I'd like to join her on a trip this summer - a level 4 whitewater rafting trip - I didn't even respond. It's not even in my imagination to consider. Today, my co-worker told me how her and her husband are going to paintball parks and having a ball. "I just want to explore fun things, like parachute from an airplane!" Again, nothing I'd ever consider in a million years of options (the parachuting - I love paintballing!).
Fear cripples you on a more personal level too. My son was diagnosed with hydrocephalus due to a very large brain cyst 3 years ago and has undergone 8 brain surgeries - 5 of which were emergency, to save his life. The fear that my family has survived in helping him through this over the last 3 years has been incomprehensible. Even now, when I think back to that first night in the emergency room when he came out from under the CT scan, while waiting for the ambulance to take him to Redwood City for neurosurgery, my mind gets two or three thoughts in and then the door slams shut and I stop remembering. It's a delayed reaction to the fear. It's crippling. I see this as a rational fear. It has substance and a basis for being there. I can work on diminishing it, but I haven't figured out how to get rid of it - it's always there.
When I first bought Jeffrey 6 years ago, I was so green that I didn't even think of horses being a danger; anything to fear. All I remembered was my carefree childhood where we would hop on bareback and gallop off into the sunset - yes, we really did that! Jeffrey had obviously been abused (now I see that, didn't then), and when he would pick up his back leg and aim it at me in a mock-kick, I thought he was just picky and didn't want me to touch him there. I didn't realize what he could do to me with that strong leg. Beauty showed me last year! Gradually, after one near catastrophe after another, I understood that being around horses was going to involve some level of fear. I also see these fears as rational fears. I have had enough minor horse accidents to maintain a sane level of concern (fear) about the horse activities I partake in. But, it's a level of concern I'm willing to handle. I'm not willing to let fear make me give up my passion. This level of rational fear has led me to pursue my natural horsemanship training. I love learning everything possible about horses, horse behavior, proper tack, proper seat, on and on. The fear has created a drive in me that has resulted in my becoming a fairly confident and competent horsewoman (looooong way to go though!), thanks to the program designed by Pat and Linda Parelli!!! Savvy has overcome rational fear and has turned it into knowledge and strength.
And it's a good thing! I'm one of those people who doesn't need much assistance in creating a fearful situation in my imagination. Over the years, I've allowed myself to be fed others fears by hanging around the wrong types of horsey people. Maybe good horse people, just not a good match for me. I have enough fear on my own behalf without exposing myself to their fears on a daily basis! I'm one of those people who can see 10 catastrophes in any given situation. Say I'm trotting up a lovely trail on a sunny afternoon. Beauty (or Jeffrey) is in a great mood, no spooking, just enjoying our time on the trail. But, inside, my mind is working overtime creating things to be afraid of. Will she slip and fall down the hill (even though we're easily 5 feet from the edge of the trail, and the hill isn't that steep anyway)? If she does, will she squish me like a bug as my foot gets stuck in the stirrup? Oh, foot stuck in the stirrup - what if I just fall off and get drug for hundreds of miles (even though I'm riding in a saddle w/breakaway stirrups and I'm only across the street from my barn)? Will an inconsiderate bicyclist come charging up behind us and spook her into leaping for safety over the edge of the trail? Will a squirrel run out in front of us and spook her (even though this has happened and she DID NOT spook), causing her to careen off the trail and fling herself and me down the hill. Will she step in a hole that she doesn't see and break her leg? I make myself sick....the list just goes on and on. When riding anywhere near barbed wire, the imagination goes wild. When riding on steep single track trails - OMG I could write a book about the scary thoughts running rampant in my mind. I see these fears as irrational fears. Being able to tell the difference points you in the direction of being able to do something about them. I'm working on slowing the non-stop dialogue in my head that keeps fear alive for me. Here also is where the Parelli program of natural horsemanship has put me leaps and bounds ahead of where I otherwise would have been on my own. What are we afraid of - usually something that we don't understand. How do you increase understanding? By breaking it down and studying the parts. That is what Parelli has helped me to do. Do you have a hot, snorty horse that pushes into your space and causes you fear (and possibly bodily injury!)? The Parelli program teaches you how to break this situation down and learn to manage it properly. What to do, when to do it and why to do it, and how firmly or softly. Just amazing.
For now, fear is still something I live with on a daily basis. But, I'm working on it. The rational fears are there, kept at bay by my faith, and the irrational fears are slowly disappearing. Whew!!!
Monday, March 7, 2011
Riding through the buck, part 3
We all tacked up (except for Kimberly where tacking up means tying her savvy string around Rosie's neck - heavy sigh on my part for wanting to be there!) Beauty and I worked on ride the rail at a walk. I was trying out Kimberly's endurance trail saddle which is a combo of an Aussie and English saddle. Very cool. It's a wide tree (Rosie, bless her heart is a porker) and seems to fit Beauty well. I had decided for my lesson w/Dave, I'd like to try it rather than my synthetic western saddle that I've been using. After a few adjustments to stirrup length, we were off and trotting. Beauty was connected to my requests - changing gait at request, direction at request - going over obstacles, with her happy, willing personality. I set her up for the canter, going down the long stretch, then sat back and started cantering in my body. Good girl - she gave me about 5-6 nice canter strides - then the shit hit the fan. We were approaching the turn, about 20 feet from the corner of the arena and she went into a big bucking fit. About 3 bucks put me out of the saddle and onto her neck about 10 feet from the wall (pipe paneling) - and still at a fast pace, more like trot than canter. From her neck, I quickly went through my options: 1) careen into the paneling and break my neck and hers; 2) jump off over her head and land like an acrobat on my feet in front of her before hitting the paneling (yeah, right); and luckily chose option 3) - get your butt back in that saddle - NOW! I heaved backwards, landed soundly in the saddle, lifted my inside rein and made the turn, before coming to a weak and shaky halt. I let out a huge "Whew! I'm alive!" and started to laugh. Kimberly let out a sigh too and joined in the laugh. Flo said, "Crap - I missed it, what happened?" I declared that I was done for the day, and dismounted. "You can't stop on that note!" - Kimberly. "I know, but I also can't do that again. I'm throwing in the towel for the day." me.
So, we switched horses and Kimberly got on the devil (I mean my sweet little Beauty) and I got to get my confidence back on sweet Rosie. Beaut & Kimberly made a few laps around at a trot, and stood and calmed down for a while to end on a good note. And I - I got to get all the confidence back that I thougth was gone for good. I was bareback on Rosie with only a halter. We gaited around - following the rail, around obstacles, over jumps (little ones), over cavelleti, in and out of barrels and cones. Kimberly called out - try the canter - you are almost there and you don't even realise it! Sure enough, I did the exact same set up that I had tried with Beauty - asked for a nice fast (gait, not trot), then sat back and started cantering in my body - and off she went! Wow - my childhood flashed before my eyes and I was a kid again, cantering through the woods with my friend Anne on our horses, playing hide & seek and cowboys and Indians! What a feeling. Rosie and I were one - my butt part of her back! Unbelievable. what I had just failed at so miserably on a saddle with Beauty - was happening, and so sweet with Rosie. I'm still on cloud 9! It helped me to realise that my mechanics are right - it's just the presentation that is off. I'm really "green on green" trying to canter this lovely, lively little girl. We just have to get our cues figured out. Beauty is as light and sensitive as Rosie is, but with much more movement in all that she does. We just need to get it figured out.
And I'm soooo happy to have friends that now allow me to step outside of my comfort zone and make these leaps in learning. I'm no longer just "walking down the lane" - I'm challenging myself, and getting more physically and mentally fit with each day. And #1 on Matt's list when I get Beauty back to Porterville will be to get the transitions from trot to canter smoothed out! I plan on a few lessons while she is down there so they can help me with my body mechanics. I remember thinking a couple years ago - I can't wait until I can sit on Beauty's back. I'm now riding her out on the trail, jeeping up and down hills, trotting and cantering all over - feeling like a kid. It will just be a matter of time before we're cantering with confidence in the arena too. I love this Parelli program. We're taking the time it takes and stepping out of our comfort zone to increase learning. Whew - Can't wait for the weekend!
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